Famed Beatle, John Lennon, is dead. Reports from our underground source's mole men sources claim that the Beatle was killed while on sabbatical in Turkey.
"I wanted to go somewhere where people were too poor to buy my music so that I could really make a point," the Beatle last said. "I want to make a real difference by doing something no one has done before. Paul told me that it hasn't been done before because it doesn't make sense, but he's wrong!" He then slammed his airplane door shut and burned money fuel (see the upcoming expose on money fuel) to take flight.
Though his manner of death is unknown, reports do confirm that bigfoot is in no way responsible as for whatever reason bigfoot cannot manifest itself in the realm of Turkey. Speculation as to whether or not this is because bigfoot doesn't like to go there to avoid bad memories of allegedly being on board Noah's Ark remains a mystery but it is general agreed upon that bigfoot did not need to take a ride on Noah's ark for the same reason Noah didn't need to pack fish on board: bigfoot is impervious to drowning.
John Lennon is survived by Paul and Ringo, who have been hiding clues in their music regarding John's ultimate fate.
I will keep on imagining, Mr. Lennon. I will keep on imagining.
